Jasmine's Perspective of Ella's Birth, October 3rd 2020
As a first time mom, I was very nervous about what birth looked like. We see all the screaming, crying, “give me the drugs” TV show scenes and movie scenes that made me think birth can’t help but be a traumatic, medical experience that only a good doctor can get a woman through successfully.
So when I found out I was pregnant in February of 2020, it came with not a small amount of fear. Would I be able to handle the changes to my body? Would I be able to handle the pain? What would my postpartum experience look and feel like?
I began to research. One of the first books I bought was “Birth without fear” because I had read about the concept of fear leading to more traumatic births. It introduced the concept of a home birth to me, dispelling some of the myths about home birth being just for crunchy, granola people who don’t believe in western medicine. Once I started looking into the training of midwives and the reasoning for home birth, it started to seem more possible.
Steve and I watched “The Business of Being Born” together in mid February, trying to educate ourselves on the subtleties of the medical field of giving birth. It enlightened us to the cyclical experience of women going through pain, getting an epidural, the epidural slowing the labor, then getting pitocin to push the labor forward, winding up stressing the baby and leading to more c sections. This pattern, which is very common, has led to the US having far more C sections than any other developed country (over 30%), along with the highest infant and maternal mortality rate. I didn’t want to be naive to the fact that I might need to wind up in a hospital if anything went wrong, but I liked to think if I managed my pregnancy successfully, we could go through a home birth with limited interventions.
Our first step to this was to call a couple midwives to interview. The first midwife I met was a very sweet, gentle soul of a woman, who I felt very comfortable with. She was kind and very supportive of the idea of a home water birth. Her goal was to stay in the background and assist as needed. We liked her personality a lot. Then we met June Lamphier. June had a much more medical-style background, having worked with a CNM in a hospital setting for several years. This more western medicine focused background, along with her 20+ years of experience and confidence in being able to help us have a successful home birth made us feel she was the better person for our journey.
When selecting a midwife, I learned a lot about how thorough the prenatal care is, as well as how essential it is. The midwife starts helping the mother to know how to manage her body’s needs, check her and the baby’s heart rates and vitals, get her regularly scheduled urine and blood tests, along with any other prenatal tests the mother chooses to pursue.
People may assume that if you’re not going to an OBGYN or MFM, you’re not getting the same standard of care. I would argue the opposite. As my midwife, June monitored everything closely, interacting directly with me for hours as needed whenever we would meet, which started out as every month, then every two weeks, then every week until the end of the pregnancy. This constant contact, as well as close management of my vitals and overall health, kept me on target with pregnancy goals and well-being as I progressed through the trimesters.
As far as the day of the birth, I woke up numerous times throughout the night, needing to go to the bathroom at midnight, 2, and 3am. After 3am, it was really hard for me to go back to sleep. I started feeling what felt like contractions randomly. By 6am, the contractions started to occur closer to each other and consistently. I told Steve around 6am that I thought we may be having Ella today. I started tracking my contractions around 6am, and they were about 5-8 minutes apart, less than a minute long each time. I messaged June at 6:11am, started having longer and more often contractions by 10am, and by 1pm they were coming every 4 minutes for longer than a minute. I was trying different positions in the house, laying on my side, sitting on the yoga ball, relaxing in the bathtub, and otherwise trying to keep my positions comfortable while I went through intense contractions. I had music on while I was going through them, trying to stay calm and comfortable. At one point, Steve had gone to get our cars ready for the baby by cleaning them and getting car seat base installed, and he was going to pick up lunch, but I had told him to get back to the house without picking up the food because I didn’t like being alone at that time. The midwives June and Oona arrived around 2-ish.
When they arrived, the first things they did were measure Ella’s heartbeat with the Doppler and check to see how far along I was. Turns out, I was already at about 5-6cm by around 2:45pm. I went on a walk for a short time outside, so that the contractions would get faster and more productive. We walked down our property, and I got to spend a little time with my horses. I even got to lean on Besita as I was going through a particularly hard contraction!
As I got back up to the house, I went in to the bath again to relax my body and soothe the aches from the contractions. What they don’t tell you about contractions is they make your whole hips, sides, and belly ache with gut wrenching pain when they are present. The bathtub helped soothe the achiness a bit, but it’s quite all encompassing. So I would moan through the pain of the contractions, focusing on the music playlist I had put together, along with the quietness of the bathtub. The moaning sounds (more like guttural low pitch tones) were intentional. These tones help to relax the muscles and keep the brain from going into a pain-based response. As I went through my labor, the midwives were nearby ready to hand me things like water and food, to make sure I was hydrated and fed. They also encouraged me every step of the way, saying that I was doing well, that I was staying in the right mindset. I finally got into the bed later in the evening, as the contractions started to get more consistent and move into transition.
At around 7:45pm, June wanted to shift the belly into a different spot so Ella would be better positioned to go through the birth canal. Her head was pointed up rather than downward in the birth canal, so it would be easier for her to come out if the chin was tucked in. So she did a move that used a large scarf and shook my belly side to side while I was on hands and knees on the bed. This move ended up breaking my waters. After this, things started moving a lot quicker. I got into position for dropping Ella into position better by using a birthing stool. We didn’t end up staying on the birthing stool because it could create too much quick down pressure and tear more easily. After we got her moving down with the birthing stool, I went on the bed laying flat. As I progressed through transition, June stated the cervix was still stopping Ella’s head from coming out. She said she could push the cervix out of the way and things would get moving quickly, or I could continue to labor to get there naturally. I chose to let her push the cervix out of the way. This hurt really badly, but I couldn’t stand to delay anymore. It was close to 9pm by this point. We started the pushing process at this point, since Ella was ready. I pushed for 20 minutes, and could feel her going in and out of the canal, as we were closer and closer. It was so intense, but I knew she would be there soon if I just gave the valiant effort in the end to get her out. Finally my pushing led to an immediate relief of pressure when she came out.
I didn’t hear the immediate cry of her voice, which scared me at first. Steve told me later that was because the umbilical cord had been around her neck and they had to take it off quickly. Soon after she was born, they placed her on my chest. She was a cute little red thing. As soon as they finished making sure she was okay, they went about giving me a shot of pitocin so my uterus would contract quickly and I would birth the placenta. I then had to push a little more to deliver the placenta. They kept Ella attached to the placenta for over an hour, then Steve cut the cord.
After I delivered the placenta, the midwives were concerned about hemorrhaging, so they kept an eye on me. They ended up finding I had a small tear in my perineum, which is very common. June injected the tear site with Novocain, then did stitching to help the perineum heal. After this was done, the worst was over. I had Ella at 9:20pm at night, and by 12:30am I was laying in my bed with my baby in my arms and my husband beside me with no one else in our home. The midwives had weighed her, cleaned her up, done all the measurements, stitched me up, cleaned up the house, and left by then. Steve and I felt so blessed to be home with our baby safe and sound. We were very thankful to have had everything we wanted done and nothing done without our consent.
This 18 hour procession from the beginning of consistent contractions to the birth of our baby was a hard day for me, but I can’t imagine how much harder or more stressful it would have been if I hadn’t been in my home, surrounded by people I trust. When I look back, months later, I remember the calmness, the quiet moments, the innate trust I had in the midwives who helped me across the finish line. I remember my kind husband who made food for me, rubbed my back for counter pressure, tied my shoes to go down to the horses, and held my hand through it all. I remember being able to choose whichever position felt most natural. I remember the music I was able to play for hours on end that gave me calm joy in between the discomfort. And I especially remember being able to birth a beautiful, healthy baby girl in the safety and comfort of my own home.
If anyone ever asks me if they should consider a home birth, I will answer with a resounding yes. Being a first time mom, I had no idea what to expect as far as the pain of birth, but know this: you can do it. You are capable of more than you know. And the pain is manageable and finite.
Postpartum care:
People don’t often know what they are paying a midwife for when they write a check for ~$4k. The reality is I had June available for about 12 prenatal appointments, the birth, a 2 day follow up, 1 week follow up, 2 week follow up, and a 6-8 week follow up appointment, as well as on call on the phone any time I needed her. At these postnatal appointments, she made sure I was healing, Ella was growing appropriately, and I was able to ask questions and get support on lactation, care of Ella, and care of myself. This holistic care, where she focused on both my and my new baby’s health and wellness, feels much more natural than the tendency we have in the western world to separate care of mother and baby directly after birth. Then mother sees an OBGYN and baby sees a pediatrician.
When I went to see a pediatric NP the first week, thinking we needed to establish a relationship with a pediatrician, she commented that she needed to figure out where the “gaps” were in the health care of the baby. The reality is that there were no gaps, they just perceive it this way because she hasn’t gone the traditional hospital birth route. Also, when I went to an OBGYN to have an IUD placed postpartum, the nurse commented when I told her I had a home birth, that women who want to “can” have a natural birth at the hospital. Here is the thing, until I went down this journey, I never realized how much the power has been taken away from us as women. We are told what we are “allowed” to do, rather than telling those around us what we are going to do. I believe this makes us less trusting of our own bodies to go through a birth successfully on our own.
Birth is hard, but the notion that we need to have someone “deliver” our baby when our body is healthy and we are capable of doing the work without assistance only makes healing harder. I understand when there are complications, or if the mother is high risk or otherwise in a less than ideal situation, but I believe that June helped me to waylay these issues every time she met me for my prenatal visits. She would make sure I was eating well, taking my vitamins, exercising the right amount, keeping my stress levels to a minimum, and keep my vitals in check. When things started to look out of whack, she would help me pull my health back and keep my blood pressure down.
When I lay all this out, it is only to help the reader know that I had a wonderful birth experience and felt completely comfortable and safe in my journey with the midwifery model of care. If you have any questions about it, please reach out to me, because I’d love to talk through your beliefs when it comes to the experience. There is no "right" way to have a baby, just as there is no "right" way to raise a baby. I just found that this experience fit my goals as a new mother, and I wanted to share my journey.
So when I found out I was pregnant in February of 2020, it came with not a small amount of fear. Would I be able to handle the changes to my body? Would I be able to handle the pain? What would my postpartum experience look and feel like?
I began to research. One of the first books I bought was “Birth without fear” because I had read about the concept of fear leading to more traumatic births. It introduced the concept of a home birth to me, dispelling some of the myths about home birth being just for crunchy, granola people who don’t believe in western medicine. Once I started looking into the training of midwives and the reasoning for home birth, it started to seem more possible.
Steve and I watched “The Business of Being Born” together in mid February, trying to educate ourselves on the subtleties of the medical field of giving birth. It enlightened us to the cyclical experience of women going through pain, getting an epidural, the epidural slowing the labor, then getting pitocin to push the labor forward, winding up stressing the baby and leading to more c sections. This pattern, which is very common, has led to the US having far more C sections than any other developed country (over 30%), along with the highest infant and maternal mortality rate. I didn’t want to be naive to the fact that I might need to wind up in a hospital if anything went wrong, but I liked to think if I managed my pregnancy successfully, we could go through a home birth with limited interventions.
Our first step to this was to call a couple midwives to interview. The first midwife I met was a very sweet, gentle soul of a woman, who I felt very comfortable with. She was kind and very supportive of the idea of a home water birth. Her goal was to stay in the background and assist as needed. We liked her personality a lot. Then we met June Lamphier. June had a much more medical-style background, having worked with a CNM in a hospital setting for several years. This more western medicine focused background, along with her 20+ years of experience and confidence in being able to help us have a successful home birth made us feel she was the better person for our journey.
When selecting a midwife, I learned a lot about how thorough the prenatal care is, as well as how essential it is. The midwife starts helping the mother to know how to manage her body’s needs, check her and the baby’s heart rates and vitals, get her regularly scheduled urine and blood tests, along with any other prenatal tests the mother chooses to pursue.
People may assume that if you’re not going to an OBGYN or MFM, you’re not getting the same standard of care. I would argue the opposite. As my midwife, June monitored everything closely, interacting directly with me for hours as needed whenever we would meet, which started out as every month, then every two weeks, then every week until the end of the pregnancy. This constant contact, as well as close management of my vitals and overall health, kept me on target with pregnancy goals and well-being as I progressed through the trimesters.
As far as the day of the birth, I woke up numerous times throughout the night, needing to go to the bathroom at midnight, 2, and 3am. After 3am, it was really hard for me to go back to sleep. I started feeling what felt like contractions randomly. By 6am, the contractions started to occur closer to each other and consistently. I told Steve around 6am that I thought we may be having Ella today. I started tracking my contractions around 6am, and they were about 5-8 minutes apart, less than a minute long each time. I messaged June at 6:11am, started having longer and more often contractions by 10am, and by 1pm they were coming every 4 minutes for longer than a minute. I was trying different positions in the house, laying on my side, sitting on the yoga ball, relaxing in the bathtub, and otherwise trying to keep my positions comfortable while I went through intense contractions. I had music on while I was going through them, trying to stay calm and comfortable. At one point, Steve had gone to get our cars ready for the baby by cleaning them and getting car seat base installed, and he was going to pick up lunch, but I had told him to get back to the house without picking up the food because I didn’t like being alone at that time. The midwives June and Oona arrived around 2-ish.
When they arrived, the first things they did were measure Ella’s heartbeat with the Doppler and check to see how far along I was. Turns out, I was already at about 5-6cm by around 2:45pm. I went on a walk for a short time outside, so that the contractions would get faster and more productive. We walked down our property, and I got to spend a little time with my horses. I even got to lean on Besita as I was going through a particularly hard contraction!
As I got back up to the house, I went in to the bath again to relax my body and soothe the aches from the contractions. What they don’t tell you about contractions is they make your whole hips, sides, and belly ache with gut wrenching pain when they are present. The bathtub helped soothe the achiness a bit, but it’s quite all encompassing. So I would moan through the pain of the contractions, focusing on the music playlist I had put together, along with the quietness of the bathtub. The moaning sounds (more like guttural low pitch tones) were intentional. These tones help to relax the muscles and keep the brain from going into a pain-based response. As I went through my labor, the midwives were nearby ready to hand me things like water and food, to make sure I was hydrated and fed. They also encouraged me every step of the way, saying that I was doing well, that I was staying in the right mindset. I finally got into the bed later in the evening, as the contractions started to get more consistent and move into transition.
At around 7:45pm, June wanted to shift the belly into a different spot so Ella would be better positioned to go through the birth canal. Her head was pointed up rather than downward in the birth canal, so it would be easier for her to come out if the chin was tucked in. So she did a move that used a large scarf and shook my belly side to side while I was on hands and knees on the bed. This move ended up breaking my waters. After this, things started moving a lot quicker. I got into position for dropping Ella into position better by using a birthing stool. We didn’t end up staying on the birthing stool because it could create too much quick down pressure and tear more easily. After we got her moving down with the birthing stool, I went on the bed laying flat. As I progressed through transition, June stated the cervix was still stopping Ella’s head from coming out. She said she could push the cervix out of the way and things would get moving quickly, or I could continue to labor to get there naturally. I chose to let her push the cervix out of the way. This hurt really badly, but I couldn’t stand to delay anymore. It was close to 9pm by this point. We started the pushing process at this point, since Ella was ready. I pushed for 20 minutes, and could feel her going in and out of the canal, as we were closer and closer. It was so intense, but I knew she would be there soon if I just gave the valiant effort in the end to get her out. Finally my pushing led to an immediate relief of pressure when she came out.
I didn’t hear the immediate cry of her voice, which scared me at first. Steve told me later that was because the umbilical cord had been around her neck and they had to take it off quickly. Soon after she was born, they placed her on my chest. She was a cute little red thing. As soon as they finished making sure she was okay, they went about giving me a shot of pitocin so my uterus would contract quickly and I would birth the placenta. I then had to push a little more to deliver the placenta. They kept Ella attached to the placenta for over an hour, then Steve cut the cord.
After I delivered the placenta, the midwives were concerned about hemorrhaging, so they kept an eye on me. They ended up finding I had a small tear in my perineum, which is very common. June injected the tear site with Novocain, then did stitching to help the perineum heal. After this was done, the worst was over. I had Ella at 9:20pm at night, and by 12:30am I was laying in my bed with my baby in my arms and my husband beside me with no one else in our home. The midwives had weighed her, cleaned her up, done all the measurements, stitched me up, cleaned up the house, and left by then. Steve and I felt so blessed to be home with our baby safe and sound. We were very thankful to have had everything we wanted done and nothing done without our consent.
This 18 hour procession from the beginning of consistent contractions to the birth of our baby was a hard day for me, but I can’t imagine how much harder or more stressful it would have been if I hadn’t been in my home, surrounded by people I trust. When I look back, months later, I remember the calmness, the quiet moments, the innate trust I had in the midwives who helped me across the finish line. I remember my kind husband who made food for me, rubbed my back for counter pressure, tied my shoes to go down to the horses, and held my hand through it all. I remember being able to choose whichever position felt most natural. I remember the music I was able to play for hours on end that gave me calm joy in between the discomfort. And I especially remember being able to birth a beautiful, healthy baby girl in the safety and comfort of my own home.
If anyone ever asks me if they should consider a home birth, I will answer with a resounding yes. Being a first time mom, I had no idea what to expect as far as the pain of birth, but know this: you can do it. You are capable of more than you know. And the pain is manageable and finite.
Postpartum care:
People don’t often know what they are paying a midwife for when they write a check for ~$4k. The reality is I had June available for about 12 prenatal appointments, the birth, a 2 day follow up, 1 week follow up, 2 week follow up, and a 6-8 week follow up appointment, as well as on call on the phone any time I needed her. At these postnatal appointments, she made sure I was healing, Ella was growing appropriately, and I was able to ask questions and get support on lactation, care of Ella, and care of myself. This holistic care, where she focused on both my and my new baby’s health and wellness, feels much more natural than the tendency we have in the western world to separate care of mother and baby directly after birth. Then mother sees an OBGYN and baby sees a pediatrician.
When I went to see a pediatric NP the first week, thinking we needed to establish a relationship with a pediatrician, she commented that she needed to figure out where the “gaps” were in the health care of the baby. The reality is that there were no gaps, they just perceive it this way because she hasn’t gone the traditional hospital birth route. Also, when I went to an OBGYN to have an IUD placed postpartum, the nurse commented when I told her I had a home birth, that women who want to “can” have a natural birth at the hospital. Here is the thing, until I went down this journey, I never realized how much the power has been taken away from us as women. We are told what we are “allowed” to do, rather than telling those around us what we are going to do. I believe this makes us less trusting of our own bodies to go through a birth successfully on our own.
Birth is hard, but the notion that we need to have someone “deliver” our baby when our body is healthy and we are capable of doing the work without assistance only makes healing harder. I understand when there are complications, or if the mother is high risk or otherwise in a less than ideal situation, but I believe that June helped me to waylay these issues every time she met me for my prenatal visits. She would make sure I was eating well, taking my vitamins, exercising the right amount, keeping my stress levels to a minimum, and keep my vitals in check. When things started to look out of whack, she would help me pull my health back and keep my blood pressure down.
When I lay all this out, it is only to help the reader know that I had a wonderful birth experience and felt completely comfortable and safe in my journey with the midwifery model of care. If you have any questions about it, please reach out to me, because I’d love to talk through your beliefs when it comes to the experience. There is no "right" way to have a baby, just as there is no "right" way to raise a baby. I just found that this experience fit my goals as a new mother, and I wanted to share my journey.